What the Suck?
Today SUCKS. The weather sucks. My job sucks. My relationships suck. My friends suck. My life SUCKS. The only thing that isn’t sucking right now is my cat… and she’s ignoring me. I called my Doctor to see about re-balancing my meds… guess what? “Certainly, we can schedule you an appointment…” IN THREE FRICKEN WEEKS!!!
They suck too!
I mean really… What have I done to deserve this? I’m a relatively good person. I don’t do drugs (well, not recreationally anyway), I don’t lie or steal (please don’t count the pens or stapler from the office… and I really didn’t feel good last Friday when I called in sick). I’m not a mean person (that client this morning doesn’t count does he?!!?... or the one last Thursday? Hey, hey, just because they bought our low-end product does NOT mean they can use up 80% of my workday).
My friends seem to think a self-medication regimen of Tequila and/or Rum applied fervently to excess fixes ANYTHING (secretly, I’d love doing that right now, but it messes with my meds). It doesn’t matter, it’s not like I have any time to do anything like that now anyway. It sucks!
So I started thinking the other day… “Has my world always Sucked?” The answer?... “PRETTY MUCH!!” Oh, there were the brief interludes of new boyfriends, exciting new jobs/cars/classes and the like, but pretty soon they were either gone or began to suck too.
A month ago I find that my current is boffing one of the “Hawt Chicks” at his office. You know… it’s not that I want him all that much but he pays his share of the bills and it’s such a pain-in-the-ass to replace him (not that I have the time (much less the inclination) mind you, but you get the picture).
The hard thing is… He’s so gawdamm OPEN about it. Like it shouldn’t matter!!! I mean WTF!!! (Yes, I’m using the stupid IM-chat emotes). I’m supposed to be OKAY with him sleeping around on me?!!? It’s bad enough that he did it (IS doing it …. grrrrrr ) but, DOES HE REALLY NEED TO KEEP ME UP-TO-DATE like a friggin human TWITTER???… Capital N, capital O! Excuse me, HELL NO!!! FFS, (yeah, yeah, yeah but I’m using it anyway!) FFS, it hurts badly enough… he doesn’t need to rub it in.
I really thought I could be with this guy forever. I loved him so. I even forgave him once a long time ago. He promised! … He promised… he promised…
Now here I am; making “do”. And I hate it. I want it to go back, like a “rewind”… back before he cheated. I want it to stop there and start again but this time he makes a different decision. I want not to know, that he makes the “right” choice but that he does… and he does it for me. I wish that could happen and that I could “know” without knowing and cherish him for doing it. I wish… I wish… I wish…
I wish things didn’t suck…
Yep. Sure wish I knew *which* bad day this was....