Miss Fortune

I have no life....

2012-02-16T19:48:00.000-06:00

Ok, so here I sit.

Been chasing down bad guys on my server for days. Finally find where they are putting stuff. Had the devs look at the code to see what it was doing, they really couldn't tell me, but they said it was probably bad. They also said it was .cgi, which no one uses any more. So we just turned off .cgi services on the servers which essentially cut them off...for now. So I'm no longer in panic mode.

But we had our internal DNS on those servers and last week when those bast***s brought my servers down, they also brought down our DNS. Sigh. So now that I can take a deep breath, I'm sitting here, at 8pm on a Thursday night setting up a new server so we can move DNS.

Sad thing is, I don't have any where else to be or anything else to do really except set up a server from my parents' house (remember, Dad's dying of liver cancers -- yeah, we got an updated diagnosis on that too since I last wrote).

I think I'll take a break and go watch Person of Interest while I wait for the Cloud to set up my server.

Dad

2012-01-30T10:26:00.000-06:00

My dad was recently diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer.

I don't know if this type of diagnosis can ever come at a good time, but it definitely came at a bad time for my family. My parents have just sold their house and are currently in the process of packing up to move in with my sister.

He'll be going in for a second opinion next week -- my sister and her husband are picking Dad up and taking him back to their house to go to a doctor there. He'll be staying there at that time. Mom and I are going to pack up their house in the meantime. While it's great I'll be spending time with my mom, it's going to be a heart breaking exercise because the trek through time is going to mean we are closer to needing to moving on without Dad.

Mom has been a trooper through this whole thing. Dad seems ok with it too. Mom turns 79 in March, and Dad turns 80 in April. They've laughed the whole thing off with "well, we're nearly 10 years past our expiration date!"

I'm glad they are in good spirits, but the thought of losing my parents has been a gut wrenching one.

One More Ending

2011-05-05T22:48:00.000-05:00

Got a call from the realtor yesterday saying that our house was closing and they needed us to sign the papers today. I wanted to do one last walk through on the house before we did so.

Ended up, the title company's computers went down (huh?) and they couldn't print the paperwork (why wasn't that already printed out?) so they'd have to put it off until tomorrow (sure).

We still did the walk through on the house. First time in over a year. It was depressing. With Ian leaving this summer and the house going away, I just really feel as if the last 20 years have been taken away from me and I'm having to start from scratch. While my CSO is getting remarried, buying a house, and taking our sons with him.

No, life is not fair. And karma does not always prevail.

Losing Again...

2011-04-29T21:44:00.000-05:00

My parents came over this weekend for the last holy day of Days of Unleavened Bread (otherwise known as Passover). Sunday evening, we were eating supper, when my youngest some came home from his father's house.

He sat down with us at the dinner table as we finished eating and told us about his weekend. He had a wonderful time. Then he announced he was moving in with his father. No preamble, no warning, just laid it all out on the table like it was a side of mashed potatoes.

It's been a bad week.

Overheard in the Household....

2011-01-25T18:06:00.003-06:00

Son: (complaining) So, I'm in English class and this girl is sitting behind me. She has really big boobs.

Mom: um, oh yeah?

Son: Yeah. And we never talk.

Mom: Ok...

Son: (still complaining) Well, today we strike up a conversation and we're just chatting it up. Next thing I know, all her girlfriends are over and chatting me up too. And they all...have...big...boobs.

Mom: Right...

Son: (more complaining) I ended up having to add all their numbers to my phone.

Mom: (confused) Er, since when was talking to girls with large chests and having them force their phone numbers on a guy a problem for you?

Son: When I wanted to maintain a 100 average in English, Mom!

People...

2010-12-22T22:07:00.000-06:00

I met someone last night who could only talk about the amount of money they made.

It must be nice to have made $3.5M dollars a year for the past few years. But quite frankly, if you are worried about your financial situation now, I have very little sympathy.

Don't get me wrong, a little extra money would always be nice. But when you complain because your wife wants a house keeper and you are no longer making $3.5M (and it's only like $100-200K year), I must really wonder what you are doing with your money.

He even said he had all his debt paid off. So what the hell are you doing with your money, Dude? Honestly. If I made 10% of that I'd be just fine.

I must say that I had very little respect for him by the end of the evening.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Have a Life....

2010-09-30T19:12:00.000-05:00

Apparently, now that my son is doing well on his probation, and only 1 of 2 people to have made it all the way through the Intensive Supervision Probation phase (all others failed and were put into Jail), the County has decided to screw with the boy some more.

Let me give a little background, for those of you who haven't ready my entire blog:

-- Boy gets arrested but claims innocence (he is 15 yo at the time).
-- Boy is told that the only way to not get tried and sentenced as an adult is to take a plea on this case (even tho in the State of ______ only 16 yo are tried as adults unless the crime is really heinous: this crime is not).
-- Boy takes plea anyway
-- Boy is sentenced to Probation until 18th birthday with ISP (Intensive Supervision Probation to last 3-6 months)

So, more than 10 months after sentencing, the County has decided that they want a polygraph test from my son because they want to prove he's changed. But they plan on asking him about the crime to see if he actually did it.

My question is: since he took the plea and his sentence ends in about a year, what will do they with any information they find from this test?

If he fails, will they decide to not let him off probation in a year? Will they want to go back for a trial (isn't that double jeopardy?)? Will said trial be as a juvenile or as an adult? Will they change the terms of his probation?

If he passes, will the county say "Sorry we put you through this, you are no longer on probation and we're going to clear your name of any guilt?" Not likely. They will probably keep that under their hat and let the probation continue to it's end.

I'm beginning to feel like I live in Cold War Russia where the government does what it wants for its own reasons without any concern for justice or the truth.

I'm also wondering why the county has such a bee in its bonnet the they continue to push to ruin this one boy's life? I thought rehabilitation for the youth in the juvenile system was what they wanted? Clearly they want to peg him as a lifetime criminal and make SURE he has to lead a life of crime, because they have removed any viable, honest options for him.

Freedom!

2010-08-31T21:57:00.001-05:00

So we have a docket time of 11a Wednesday September 1. And here is my new count down timer in honor of it:

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Mom and Dad

2010-06-12T13:49:00.002-05:00

My parents are approaching what I consider to be "old age". They are 77 and 78, respectively and got married at the ages of 18 and 19.

While I was growing up, I loved when family friends came over and visited. These visits usually ended up with everyone telling stories from their lives. Thing is, in almost every instance, my parents' stories were always the best -- and everyone else knew it. The conversation would settle into one story after another as people asked more questions about my family's life.

You may ask "Ms. Fortune, what was so unusual about your family's life?" Honestly, I don't know. My mom was a stay at home mom that made a house into a home and kept us fed, cleaned, clothed, and in line. My dad worked for a living and provided the leadership necessary to raise a family. My house hold environment was much like The Cleavers' and my mom was a lot like Aunt Bea (Google them).

However, in the course of their marriage, they did manage to move approximately 90 times, raising three kids along the way. Being the youngest child, I only moved about 25 or 30 of those.

My parents traveled a lot of miles, met a lot of people, and lived a lot of life. Personally, I think they are two people worth knowing.

A Committed Relationship

2010-03-17T22:49:00.001-05:00

Depression is thrown about so much now a days that it seems so passe. Everyone gets depressed at one time or another and most of us will need medication for it. I have in the past. I've not used it throughout this current run of life's insanity.

My son, on the other hand, has not fared quite so well. He started anti-depressants last November but they haven't worked as well as expected. It had become quite impossible for him to negotiate life's unexpected twists and turns since the events of last Summer and Fall. And last night he crashed into an emotional telephone pole.

So tonight he is in a private (thankfully) mental health facility under care for major depression. It's been scary to watch his decent into the abyss -- a hole he's fallen down further than I've ever dared go. He went from an average, happy-go-lucky 15 year old boy last summer to an angry and angst-ridden 16 year old with self-destructive tendencies. We also no longer have anything in common and cannot have a meaningful conversation.

We're just hoping now that over the coming days and weeks that any medications and therapy help raise his head above water so he can at least catch his breath and start swimming on his own.

New Countdown

2010-02-28T13:22:00.000-06:00

Ok, it seems our lawyers are taking their time and I've recreated my count down clock. I really no longer am sure when the divorce will be final, so if it extends past March, I'll probably update that to April sometime.

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Let's Get Metaphysical....

2010-02-07T18:48:00.000-06:00

I have a problem -- ok, I have many problems right now, but that's beside the point. I'm going to depart from my normal diatribe of "OMG look how bad my life sucks" and move on to something more

I come from, let's say, a rather conservative religious background. I'm not ashamed of that fact at all. In fact, it carries me through much of what I'm going through right now. Well, sometimes. The rest of the time, I'm a formless mass on the floor just trying to muddle my way through the days....but I digress.

I've had no less than three phone calls this week from different people telling me that I need to "get closer to God." They are seeing my current crisis as a warning from God. Or that I've turned away from God. Or that I wasn't close enough to God to avoid this current issue(s). Or that I have demons. Demons?

Also, none of the people offering me these pearls of wisdom have ever come close to going through what I've gone through these past three years.

You know, I've read the Bible just like everyone else in the world, and there are plenty of examples of how God punishes people. It usually involved rather quick and untimely deaths.

Now when God decided to test people to see what they were made of, they gave them real problems. Problems that just went on for...e....ver.

I mean Job is one quintessential example of human suffering in the Bible. He lost everything. And still did not blame God for his problems.

The Israelites wandered the wilderness for 40 years (punctuated by swift punishments for those people who did some really stupid stuff, normally involving things like the earth opening up and swallowing them). They complained and whined and wrecked all kinds of havoc on God's skills of forgiveness, but forgive them he did and he eventually brought them to the promised land.

Of course Christ even VOLUNTEERED for his trials before his death (which was, in itself, a major ordeal).

So in a sick and twisted way I feel like I'm in really good company. I mean, had God thought I was bad enough, he would have had me hit by a fast-moving truck or something...oh wait...that's already happened. Silly me.

The point is, why does God cause some people to suffer while others seem to live charmed lives? I really can't tell you.

All I know is that if you have a perfect life and have never experienced what another person close to you is going through, just keep your f***ing mouth shut: you haven't a clue what you're talking about.

The Count Down Has Begun

2010-01-09T18:03:00.001-06:00

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Cops

2010-01-08T23:19:00.002-06:00

Cops: nothing more than bad guys who don't want to go to jail.

The End of All Things...

2009-12-23T10:23:00.000-06:00

This week has been a week of endings.

Monday, my son's court hearing to sentence him for his plea agreement took place. It was indeed a grueling experience. Every time we have been to court, I have been reminded of just how borked our justice system really is. I am also then reminded by my insignificant other that it's still the best system in the world.

His probation is going to last until his 18th birthday, which is less than 2 years away. But we no longer have to deal with the courts and lawyers, both of which I despise. The system does not take into consideration what is right or wrong -- it's only what is right and what is legal. If it's a choice between the two, they default to what is legal, even it if it's wrong. I've been completely flabbergasted by how these employees see things. It's been a very eye opening experience, and not one I care to repeat any time soon.

The CSO is also finally moving out this week. I'm going to spend four days with my parents out of town and he will be moving his things out of the house and to his new living space. He's also going to be taking the above-referenced son. I will be left with my 17 yo daughter and 14 yo son and a reduced child support payment with which to support them (I also have to pay child support to him for the son he's taking too).

It will be a relief to have him out of the house. He always created such mayhem when he was here. I think it was his way of making himself the center of attention. But when he leaves, where will the attention come from to feed his ego then? Do I really care? No. :D

Next week I will have time off to start getting the house in order. I need to start thinking about putting the house on the market because I really cannot afford to keep making the payments. But even that is going to cost me money that I don't really have right now. And the CSO is less than helpful on that front. I see mail from his bank come in telling him that his bank account didn't have enough money to pay a particular charge, so it was pulled from his savings. Gee, what a concept. He doesn't have enough money to give us to live, but he has enough to put into savings.

Right now, I'm praying Karma will prevail.

The Plea

2009-11-23T18:14:00.000-06:00

Since my last posting, we've been to court regarding my son's case no less than 6 times with countless meeting with our lawyer. In the end, our lawyer advised us to take a plea for his case.

The plea came back as Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon, 2 years probation with electronic monitoring, a vicinity clause to keep him away from her house or person (not that he'd want to get anywhere near that bitch to begin with), and reimbursement of her medical costs.

My son stood up in front of a district judge, took an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him God, and then proceeded to lie about his guilt. When the judge asked if my son had been threatened to take the plea, I almost said yes. The County Attorney's office wanted to throw the book at him -- I really don't know why, if nothing more than to intimidate him into taking the plea and keep their conviction statistics up.

I am disappointed in our judicial system. What's bad, is that it is still the best on the planet. But in this case, it's my son's life they are messing with.

Out of the House

2009-10-10T20:37:00.000-05:00

We'd been given special permission from my son's probation office (even tho he's not been convicted of a crime, he has one because he's under house arrest) to leave the house and go to the local Halloween store. My CSO likes going to them this time of year and he thought the oldest son would also, if nothing more than to get out of the house and away from his regular routine.

We did, he did, and we also stopped at Whataburger and got some real done-up burgers. Half of mine is still in the fridge, so I imagine when I get hungry again, I'll finish it off.

CSO had another "party" to go to this evening. He said he would be back at 6p. That was 2.5 hours ago. So I don't know when he'll be returning tonight, if at all.

I'm off to see if I can't get distracted by some music and a game.

On a Lighter Note....

2009-10-10T01:01:00.000-05:00

It was a *really* crappy day. My son hit bottom in depression and we had to take him to a counselor to make sure he is ok. After dealing with this by myself this morning and then managing to get my son on a somewhat even keel, I went back to work for the rest of the day.

I did manage to talk to my son's lawyer to see exactly what it was he told my son that would have made him go down hill so fast. I think my son was just overwhelmed by what was said. There's a lot to go through in his case, but in reality, not a lot of physical evidence, and no eye witnesses. Whew.

CSO got home, brought me some beer, and then is out with his girlfriend tonight.

My son wanted to see some friends so we're having a sleep over with some of them and they are downstairs having an XBox party. I came upstairs and drank a few beers and listen to some great music:

My Pandora Station: http://Ez.com/xgb5

I then moved on to watching YouTube videos of cute cats with my daughter:

This one is rather long, but that last minute and a half it made me laugh out loud:

Then we moved on to some other items we liked:

And an older one:

My son even got involved and made us watch this one again:

Ah, one more beer and I'm off to bed.

Life...Don't Talk to Me About Life....

2009-10-08T08:00:00.000-05:00

"I didn't ask to be made: no one consulted me or considered my feelings in the matter. I don't think it even occurred to them that I might have feelings. After I was made, I was left in a dark room for six months... and me with this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. I called for succor in my loneliness, but did anyone come? Did they hell. My first and only true friend was a small rat. One day it crawled into a cavity in my right ankle and died. I have a horrible feeling it's still there..."

I can relate.

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

2009-10-03T12:56:00.001-05:00

Oldest son and I just returned from some sort of class that was required by the county because of his arrest. I find it interesting that when my son was released from the detention center that he/we now have to do the following:

-- he is on house arrest and required to check in with a probation officer at least once a week
-- he must take a drug test at least once a month
-- he is on an ankle monitoring system
-- we had to attend this class regarding the juvenile criminal justice system and how it chews you up and spits you out (No shit, Sherlock)
-- I had to essentially sign away my rights as a parent
-- he's been expelled from public school and must attend school at the juvenile justice center, which is populated mostly by illiterate young youths. My son's education is suffering severely because he cannot learn at his own level of intelligence; he has to learn at the level of those students that can't read.
-- we must appear before a judge approximately every 3-4 weeks
-- he can't use a cell phone
-- he can't get on the internet without an adult present

Why do I feel he/we are already being punished for a crime he's not been convicted of? Why do I get the distinct feeling that the District Judge (who handles juvenile cases) already believes my son guilty? (I get that impression every time we go before him because he treats my son differently than the kids that actually got caught in the act of a crime: he gets visibly angry.) Everything is circumstantial with my son's case.

I've quickly learned to despise our justice system -- I thought this was the type of thing we originally left the Continent to avoid?

Sorry

2009-10-01T19:08:00.001-05:00

Most of the problem is CSO is home. He's been unbearably unsociable and wondering why no one wants to spend time with him (even tho all he does is play on his computer). If we're upstairs, he goes downstairs; if we're downstairs, he mumbles something about never getting the TV.

He'll ask me where something is, and I'll say "It's supposed to be in xxxx; I haven't touched it," and he mumbles something sarcastic under his breath. He's actually not been the most cheery fellow.

Then today we went to court for oldest son's "how have you been doing since you got out of jail and went on probation even though you haven't been proven guilty" hearing. We waited in the court room for 2 hrs before being called and then it was just to reschedule for the 15th. CSO decided he could be civil. We actually exchanged more than a dozen words.

I've talked him into getting rid of our shared account and only using our individual accounts. He will deposit what is the equivalent to child support in my account. I already have a budget for that and can pay for pretty much everything out of it. Even save a little money. It will still be tight.

So why is it I still cannot work up the courage to tell CSO to leave?

I Cleaned the Garage

2009-09-27T15:42:00.001-05:00

It was a rather cathartic experience, I must say. I went through everything. Everything got organized. If we used it, it found a place on a shelf. If it was military stuff belonging to my CSO, I put it all in a neat stack next to the garbage so he can go through it and sort it out himself.

Useful items we no longer use, I've put for sale on CraigsList. What doesn't sell in a week or two, I'll probably donate to Goodwill or someplace. But they are getting out my garage one way or another.

I've decided I think I'm going to do that with the rest of the house as well. We've just accumulated so much junk over the years and CSO just has a real problem parting with some of it. Don't get me wrong, I have a bunch of junk I need to get rid of as well. I'm just tired of the clutter -- it's almost like a spiritual cleaning.

Yom Kippur is tomorrow and I kinda feel like it's a way of cleaning out the old to make room for the new.

It Happened Yet Again

2009-09-25T21:15:00.001-05:00

Was going to pay bills and looked at the usage on our cell phones.

CSO called last night and said he could only talk for a while. When I looked at the phone bill and the cell usage, his cell phone showed the 10 minutes he talked to the family (mostly his kids). Then it showed the 21 minutes he talked to his girlfriend's phone number.

Each time he has called he's said he only had X amount of minutes to talk, which is how long he talked to us. Of course he neglected to tell us that he actually had familyX + girlfriendX of time to talk. Is this lying by omission or "he just doesn't give a sh**" ?

I can see him not wanting to talk to me. But he is even spending more time chatting with his girlfriend than talking to his kids. He's really turning into a bastard and I don't think he realizes it.

Moving on Home

2009-09-23T21:31:00.000-05:00

Our office has decided to go mostly "virtual" where all of us work from home a majority of the time and drop by a (much) smaller office when we need to. The movers are coming at 3p this Friday, and it's been complete mayhem: finding office servers new homes, getting our new phone system up and running, divvying up furniture to take home for our home offices. All this on top of taking care of our customers. It was actually a great day.

Didn't have time to think about my life much, which is kinda how I like it. When I get home I get depressed because I have time to think. So what do I do? Get online and start working!

But now I'm sleepy and we had a cold front come through. I'm going to have to throw an extra blanket on the bed. It will be good sleeping.

Saw the Divorce Lawyer...

2009-09-22T13:14:00.000-05:00

... what a total waste of time. He was aware of my financial situation and then asked if I had enough credit cards to pay for or a family member that could lend me the $4000 retainer fee. No? Oh well, here is a list of people who might take your case for less or take payments.

This guy was actually as expensive as the downtown ClosestBigCity lawyers and about as heartless. I guess I was expecting better of a small town lawyer. Oh, but I forgot -- he went to school so he could make more money than most of his clients, not to actually help anyone. Silly me.

A Good Day

2009-09-21T20:13:00.000-05:00

I was completely engrossed in my job today. In fact, I was so engrossed, I forgot about all my problems, which is a rare thing these days.

We're moving offices and I'm left with the task of making sure the servers get moved, migrated, backed up, set correctly, etc. Thankfully there are a lot of other workers helping make this happen, but I think I'm the one given the task to worry about it.

We're down to two servers in the server closet (there were, I think, nine to begin with?). One is having all it's content moved somewhere else and will be taken off line when that is done. The last one is our phone server and it's just going to be turned off at the end of the day on Friday and, more than likely, sold. Poor thing. There's just nothing worse than an unwanted server.

Through all the moving stuff around in the server closet, we disrupted the 'chi' of our wireless router and it hasn't been the same since Friday. However, it took me several hours of fighting with my internet connection to actually want to do something about it. After discovering the problem, I removed it, and it was chunked.

The remainder of the day went considerably smoother, even *after* I got home. I was also in a better mood.

I'll have to see if I can't do that more often.

One Day Down....For Ever to Go

2009-09-20T18:45:00.001-05:00

Fell asleep last night at 7p and didn't wake up until 4:30 this morning.

Today I answered some work email, went grocery shopping, and sold a love seat that I no longer had room for (I *love* CraigsList.com). The boys discovered that son #2's video card has an HDMI connector and hooked it up to the LCD TV downstairs. You'd have thought they'd invented the computer, they were so excited.

I talked to my mom and have currently had three beers (with some tequila added to each one :D). So I'm pretty mellow.

This last week was actually pretty good (compared to previous weeks, that is). However, now I'm thinking about my CSO's return *next* Sunday, I am filled with dread and fear. Is that normal? I mean, he doesn't beat me or otherwise physically abuse me, but why should I be so afraid of his return?

I think part of it is that I sold the couch without asking for his approval. And he's likely to have a sh*t fit about it since that is where he puts all his crap (it's not used for sitting on, that's for sure). Now he will have to put it elsewhere. Out of spite, he may put it on some other seating surface. More than likely he'll yell and carry on about all the things I don't do or do but shouldn't. And that I never think about what is "best for the family" and that I'm self-centered and...and...and...

Anxiously,

Miss Fortune

Speak Like a Pirate Day Version

2009-09-19T12:02:00.001-05:00

I was reminded that today is Speak Like a Pirate Day so I put my last post through a translator and got the following back. So enjoy:

**************
Arrr, my cheatin' husband, gar, is currently in Alabama doin' military trainin' at Fort Rucker. He won't be back for another week and he's been off the grid since he arri'ed thar last Friday. Last eve he called for the first time in a week sayin' he only had a coupla minutes he could talk. I was actually relie'ed that I didn't have t' chat 'ery long.

Well, this mornin' Me wanted t' know how long we actually war on the line, so I checked our cell phone usage records. It turns out that after he chatted for 3 minutes with me, he then called his girlfriend and chatted with her for 4 minutes.

I'm just left shakin' my head. I'm glad I''e got that appointment with the lawyer next week. Ye'll ne'er get me buried booty!
***************

The Bastard Raises His Ugly Head

2009-09-19T11:28:00.002-05:00

My CSO is currently in Alabama doing military training at Fort Rucker. He won't be back for another week and he's been off the grid since he arrived there last Friday. Last night he called for the first time in a week saying he only had a coupla minutes he could talk. I was actually relieved that I didn't have to chat very long.

Well, this morning I wanted to know how long we actually were on the line, so I checked our cell phone usage records. It turns out that after he chatted for 3 minutes with me, he then called his girlfriend and chatted with her for 4 minutes.

I'm just left shaking my head. I'm glad I've got that appointment with the lawyer next week.

More Legal Counsel...

2009-09-18T19:57:00.002-05:00

We met with my son's lawyer this afternoon. Since my CSO wasn't there this time, I actually got something out of the meeting.

The trial date is tentatively set for the first week in January. I'm anxious, terrified, depressed, and nauseated at the thought of the prospect. This is stuff you only see on TV. And it's like being in a bad 'Law and Order' episode.

****************

Opening:

Man invades home; door is unlocked. He's wearing a ski mask and wearing shorts, combat boots and carrying a type of K-Bar hunting knife.

Making his way upstairs in the dark, he slips into the master bedroom and approaches the bed: a woman is sleeping alone. Putting the knife to the woman's throat he whispers:

"Where is your son?"

Screaming, thrashing and heaven knows what else ensues. Blood goes everywhere. Attacker flees the scene. Woman, still alive, but bloodied, calls 911. Victim swears that it's a particular kid, even tho she was unable to see identifying features of her attacker in the dark w/masked face.

Police investigate. Word gets around the neighborhood they are looking at this particular person -- and only this particular person. Word get backs to boy that he's under suspicion. He texts his friends wondering what is going on and why. A few 'friends' tell him to protect himself by hiding any evidence that meets what the police are looking for.

Cops search suspect's house; parents find out about crime and that their child is suspect.

Friend who told boy to hide evidence tells police that suspect hid the evidence. Another 'friend' claims that suspect threatened to shoot up school, but cannot produce evidence -- hear-say is sufficient evidence with police. Arrest occurs.

Court hearings, confinement to juvenile system, lawyers, and nothing makes sense. The city's police department is in a small town not accustomed to handling these types of crimes -- they want to throw the book at the suspect since they've already judged guilty.

County attorney believes he is guilty. Suspect passed all psychological, drug, and behavioral tests -- character witnesses for suspect came out. But case moves forward.

******************

I just need one more shot of tequila. That should kill the pain tonight.

Legal Counsel

2009-09-17T18:50:00.006-05:00

I've finally done it.

I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer. Now mind you, this is just an initial consultation, but I would like to figure out my rights, privileges, and responsibilities when it comes to kicking my CSO out.

We also have hired a lawyer for my son's case as well. He's costing us a pretty penny. I'm likely to be broke when all of this is over, but there is a Proverb: "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife."

At this point, I'm looking forward to the peace and quiet. In the mean time, I'm going to take an Ativan with a beer. And I've started selling the furniture.

Awake

2009-09-17T03:57:00.001-05:00

I went to bed early because I was sleepy, glad to be catching up on some sleep.

However, now I am awake at 3:30am -- brought up by crushing chest pain. It happens sometimes. I guess from the stress. I think I'm handling the events in my life fairly well, then something like this happens and the reality of my situation becomes painfully evident.

It doesn't take much to send me over the edge these days -- especially when precipitously close to it most of the time anyway. One small gust of breeze and I'm gone...off to try and relax...

Schadenfreude

2009-09-16T19:44:00.001-05:00

Just what is it? Well, the official definition is "A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others."

I just discovered that the mother of what used to be one of my son's best friends has reported my son to the police as having threatened to go to school and cause harm and destruction, which my son vehemently denies. Then, when one of my son's current best friends told that former best friend that he'd ruined my son's life, the former best friend's mother called the police on that boy saying he threatened her son.

She was also best friends of the woman who was attacked in our neighborhood who claims that my son is the one that attacked her. Of course, she cannot positively identify her attacker. So I'm left wondering why these two women feel that my son and his family need to suffer so.

WTS?

2009-09-15T17:43:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I'm still left wondering what my day was like when I talked to a friend. He said he penned this off after being inspired by me. Days since have been better, and days in the future are bound to be worse, so here it is: dedicated to....*ME*!!

*********************

What the Suck?

Today SUCKS. The weather sucks. My job sucks. My relationships suck. My friends suck. My life SUCKS. The only thing that isn’t sucking right now is my cat… and she’s ignoring me. I called my Doctor to see about re-balancing my meds… guess what? “Certainly, we can schedule you an appointment…” IN THREE FRICKEN WEEKS!!!

They suck too!

I mean really… What have I done to deserve this? I’m a relatively good person. I don’t do drugs (well, not recreationally anyway), I don’t lie or steal (please don’t count the pens or stapler from the office… and I really didn’t feel good last Friday when I called in sick). I’m not a mean person (that client this morning doesn’t count does he?!!?... or the one last Thursday? Hey, hey, just because they bought our low-end product does NOT mean they can use up 80% of my workday).

My friends seem to think a self-medication regimen of Tequila and/or Rum applied fervently to excess fixes ANYTHING (secretly, I’d love doing that right now, but it messes with my meds). It doesn’t matter, it’s not like I have any time to do anything like that now anyway. It sucks!

So I started thinking the other day… “Has my world always Sucked?” The answer?... “PRETTY MUCH!!” Oh, there were the brief interludes of new boyfriends, exciting new jobs/cars/classes and the like, but pretty soon they were either gone or began to suck too.

A month ago I find that my current is boffing one of the “Hawt Chicks” at his office. You know… it’s not that I want him all that much but he pays his share of the bills and it’s such a pain-in-the-ass to replace him (not that I have the time (much less the inclination) mind you, but you get the picture).

The hard thing is… He’s so gawdamm OPEN about it. Like it shouldn’t matter!!! I mean WTF!!! (Yes, I’m using the stupid IM-chat emotes). I’m supposed to be OKAY with him sleeping around on me?!!? It’s bad enough that he did it (IS doing it …. grrrrrr ) but, DOES HE REALLY NEED TO KEEP ME UP-TO-DATE like a friggin human TWITTER???… Capital N, capital O! Excuse me, HELL NO!!! FFS, (yeah, yeah, yeah but I’m using it anyway!) FFS, it hurts badly enough… he doesn’t need to rub it in.

I really thought I could be with this guy forever. I loved him so. I even forgave him once a long time ago. He promised! … He promised… he promised…

Now here I am; making “do”. And I hate it. I want it to go back, like a “rewind”… back before he cheated. I want it to stop there and start again but this time he makes a different decision. I want not to know, that he makes the “right” choice but that he does… and he does it for me. I wish that could happen and that I could “know” without knowing and cherish him for doing it. I wish… I wish… I wish…

I wish things didn’t suck…

******************

The End

Yep. Sure wish I knew *which* bad day this was....

Visited With Family

2009-09-14T17:01:00.001-05:00

My parents came and spent the weekend. It was really nice to be with them. I always have a sense of calm when I'm around them, no matter what is going on. When my dad was in the hospital after colon surgery last month, being with Mom was nice. But when I had to go home, I was a basket case.

It's the same since this legal issue with my son came up: during the court mandated search of my house I went to pieces. But when I went to see my parents, I knew everything was going to be ok. Then my son was arrested and I thought my world had come to an end. I visited him in the juvenile detention center 30 minutes every day and talked to him 10 minutes on the phone every night (that's all the visitation we were allowed). I couldn't sleep and getting myself distracted was nearly impossible and was the only time I could stop crying.

We had his detention hearing last Tuesday, but it had to be put off because the judge said he'd let him out and then he reneged at the last minute. So on Thursday we had another hearing and he let him out to be under house arrest. That is much better, but he still has to go to school at the juvenile detention center.

Unfortunately, they do not have much of an education system, which has me very concerned. My son said that many of the students in there don't even know how to read: he came from AP and Pre-AP classes into this environment.

However after my parents' visit, it doesn't seem quite so bleak; I'm not really sure why.

CSO is still gone and we haven't heard from him. It's been much calmer with him gone as well. And my house is staying clean.

One more day

2009-09-11T13:45:00.001-05:00

CSO ("Cheating Significant Other) has gone off to military training for two weeks out of state. My parents are coming down to visit since they don't get to do that very often (they don't want to be in the same house as CSO). Since my son is now home, it should be a nice relaxing weekend.

I'm going to go get some wine for my dad and maybe some more pear cider (my mom likes that). I'm going to get a roast going and cook up the chicken that's been sitting in the fridge before it goes bad. Maybe get some potatoes baked as well. We'll see.

Hoping that things will quiet down to a low roar now. We'll see.

Free at Last...He's Free at Last....

2009-09-10T18:52:00.001-05:00

We went to my son's detention hearing today (the 3rd one in about 3 weeks) and the judge finally released him under house arrest. He will be attending the Juvenile Justice Alternate Education Program (JJAEP) rather than attending regular high school.

Oh Goody! Not only will he not get to miss normal high school, he'll get to continue to associate with some really notable characters. Such as child molesters, drug users, thieves, and a group of other unsavory characters. Of course the system would say that my son is the same as them. However, unlike most of those other students, he was not caught in the act. He was arrested on circumstantial evidence six weeks after the crime: and no one can place him at the scene.

But he is home. And we ate pizza.

How Do I Maintain Sanity in an Insane World?

2009-09-09T15:44:00.001-05:00

For those of you unaware of this, my life today consists of the following truths:

My husband informed me in January that he has a mistress
My father had a stroke in June
5 weeks ago, the police brought a warrant to search my house for evidence that my 15 year old son committed an assault in our neighborhood.
My father went in for surgery 4 weeks ago to remove 14 inches of his intestines that had a tumor
My father was diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer 3.5 weeks ago.
My 15 year old son was arrested 2.5 weeks ago for robbery and aggravated assault.

I also work full time and have two other teenage kids.

Any one have any advice?

Trying to Figure Out How My Troubles Will Affect Me

2009-08-29T14:25:00.001-05:00

Or, rather, how will I allow them to affect me? The events I'm blogging about are true. But my sister forwarded a parable to me that has made me sit and wonder how it is I need to react to the problems in my life? (Stick around and you'll hear a lot more.)

Below is the story she sent me, and one I thought I would share for others going through their own problems right now:

**************************
Carrot, Egg or Coffee?

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked. "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle Adversity?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Home Coming

2009-08-27T22:25:00.003-05:00

Everyone was thrilled for my husband to be home. Everyone came to our house. Everyone invited us over. Everyone called. But it was only a few short days and we were trying to get back into some semblance of normality.

I had to go back to work as a supervisor at a high-tech firm and the kids returned to school. All seemed to be going well.

However, I soon discovered that my CSO was not himself. He would start to say something, then trail off. When I would ask him to speak up, he would normally say something derogatory about my lack of listening skills.

Later he began asking me what I did with all the money, even though I'd managed to do some super saving before he got home. I wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it soon became clear that he thought all I did was spend his money on who knows what. Since he was in Iraq, it was clear he didn't have anything to spend the money on; which to a certain extent was true. But we also had to pay for his internet over there (yes, a local company *gave* them local wireless access that topped out at speeds of about 56-90K for a mere $65/mo).

He also spent a great deal on his Military Star card as well as get a monthly "allowance" of about $200. And granted, I did not live like a monk when he was gone. We probably ate out a little more than we should have; bought a few more "things" than we should have, but it was nothing exorbitant.

I even had to replace a compressor unit on our home's heat pump -- which was not cheap. My daughter had all four wisdom teeth removed. My youngest got braces. My middle child played viola and we leased/purchased his instrument. Oh, and to say nothing of the 6 weeks we spent with the flu in the late Winter. And my youngest boy hit puberty -- do you want to know how many sets of jeans and shoes we went through?

It was no picnic for anyone that year, but for some reason the CSO just didn't want to talk to me about anything. And when he did, it was normally at the top of his lungs. It took me a while to figure out what was happening, but it was clear he blamed all our family problems on me.

I should have known I had it coming....

2009-08-26T20:44:00.000-05:00

My husband has been enamored of the military as long as I've known him -- 20 years to be exact. He enlisted once when we were first married for a 3 year stint. I made it out unscathed but with a healthy dislike of the military family life.

Well, after waiting around for nearly another decade, my husband informs me he wants to join the military again.

I nearly decked him.

However, he was quick to explain that it wouldn't be with the regular army, but with the National Guard. And not in a combat unit; with a CID unit (think Colonel Flagg from M*A*S*H). Essentially he would be a detective for the army investigating crimes within the military.

Ok, no big deal. I say 'go'.

Well, not long after his enlistment does his unit receive orders that they faced a deployment to Iraq later that year. So we spent months preparing for his deployment. We cried and sighed and said goodbyes. Then he was gone.

We wrote, we chatted online. He was in the dessert alone and I was home working full-time and taking care of three teenagers. It was a real roller coaster ride, to say the least. But we survived.

And when my husband stepped off the bus and into the gym with the rest of his unit, the screams were deafening. But the long-awaited reunion was brief and punctuated by disappointment and rife with ill will on both sides of the bed.